The Eve of Beltane

It has been a long journey to reach this point. It is the eve of Beltane and a gloriously warm, sunny day.

I have done some household chores (never enough though), went for picnic lunch at Bothwell Castle and I now sit like a madwoman in the front garden updating the blog, struggling with the laptop's screen, battery, power supply, mouse etc in the sunlight.

Work has been time consuming so I may never recall what suits I wore the previous week but they are sitting in various piles around the house but for last week, here goes:-
Tues 26/04 - Levine grey stripe with grey lining (lovingly known to me as my interview suit from New York), can't remember what shirt but it was newly ironed
Wed 27/04 - Autonomy black stripe with black lining/green
Thurs 28/04 - Slater black with black lining/green cashmere jumper, green suede shoes and green Nine West mac from New York - yes a bit of a change but I had caught one of my black utility Clarks shoes on a crack in a slab leaving work the night before, which had split the leather at the front of the shoe so I thought I should wear something different for once instead. And also, because I was being lazy and not organising more clothes or getting whatever suits may still be in storage back for April, I bought the Slaters suit the previous weekend at their warehouse sale. Cheating? Yes.

The green shoes makes me think it should be shoes in May but I'll have to plan this a bit more. However I did get a nice summer dress at the White Stuff in Edinburgh this week so it could be dresses perhaps or also?

Not quite at the stage of bearing my soul re the changes the book, and the year, has brought yet. I shall also seeking the wisdom of the wicked witch again next week. So hopefully Beltane will bring  me clarity and direction. And that I remember that what's for me, will not go by me as, conversely, what is not for me, will go by me so no chasing rainbows and moonbeams (but I can still dance and spin in lush green grass in warm noon sun at the castle under the brilliant blue sky).

It is strange that Beltane starts with a dark moon this year.

What's For You, Will Not Go By You

I always have always taken this as a Glaswegian phrase but this message is conveyed in the book through the women.


The Three Daughters of The Lady of the Lake:
Igraine bowed to politics to keep the peace but in the end, protected her children as best she could. But she was blessed to spend another lifetime with her priest lover.

Vivianne's grand plans do not always follow her own will but that of the changing world where men ruled. She never gave birth to a much longed for daughter to the Goddess, only sons who feared her.

Morgause's ambitions, dabbling in the black arts, do not come to fruit and her sons became the most loyal of Arthur's followers, not his rivals. But she became Queen in Lothian in her own right after her husband the King died.

Gwenhwyfar wished only for security. She belonged in a convent where she feel safe and devote herself to simpler things.

Morgaine. She tried too hard to please everyone, to her own detriment. She never followed her heart.

And she never understood that the Goddess would find her own way to prevail, no matter what women do, or do not do . . . Goddess, Earth Mother, Our Lady, maiden/mother/crone.

The cycle of Life, Death, Re-Birth continues on through eternity

What's for you, will not go by you (and what isn't for you, will ;))

Avalon Goes Further Into The Mists

Morgaine sent Accolon to claim the throne from Arthur in Avalon's name however Accolon is defeated. Morgaine has already cast forth her child, which awaits Accolon on the other side and Morgaine flees for Avalon (again).

With the Merlin's consent, Arthur unveils the Chalice of the Well, of the Holy Regalia, for use at the Christian Mass. With the Goddess working through them, Morgaine and Raven pass the Chalice to all at the service - and each receives what they desire. Such a great use of power was too much for Raven to bear and she passed from the world, as did the Chalice. The Knights of the Round Table beg leave of Arthur to find and return it and scatter to the four winds in their quests for the Holy Grail. Except for Mordred, who begs to not go the quest but remain at Arthur's side, the son who can never be acknowledged or be heir.

Arthur's heir and Lancelot's son, Galahad, who avowed his life to the quest, did indeed find it but it cost him his life 'it is death to touch the Holy Regalia unprepared'. Lancelot returned to Camelot to tell Arthur the sorry news and that the Holy Grail had passed from the world so the quests should end. 

Avalon's revenge on the Merlin has been planned, unrealised, for many years. Galahad's sister, Nimue, has grown up as a priestess in seclusion in Avalon, the only person in Avalon the Merlin does not know. As the daughter of the Gwenhwyfar's cousin Elaine and Lancelot, she has been accepted as one of the Queen's maidens at court and Gwenhwyfar agrees to keep her previous life on Avalon secret, even from Arthur. But Nimue is not concerned with Arthur. Her role is to bind and enslave the Merlin and bring him to Avalon for his punishment as traitor. However, to do this, Nimue, a maiden true, must weave a love spell between them - she the beautiful blonde and he with his crippled body but voice of a bard. She keeps her desires in check until the allotted time - the dark moon for dark magic, not the full moon for fertility. He realises her betrayal of their love too late and is enslaved and knows his life is forfeit. Nimue, distraught, joins him in the afterlife.

Gwenhwyfar is now past child bearing age and Arthur does not always share her bed so, on his return, she resumes her love affair with Lancelot. Mordred plots to expose the affair which is losing Arthur respect from his subject kings and the lovers flee. Then they part, Gwenhwyfar  to the convent on Glastonbury and Lancelot returns to Arthur to make amends and fight again at his side.

Arthur, the King Stag, kills Mordred, the Young Stag, on the shores of the Lake. Morgaine mourns the loss of her son Mordred and her brother and lover Arthur. As Arthur lies dying in her arms, her mother Igraine's words ring in her ears 'Morgaine take care of your baby brother' . . . 

Her Work Was Done

I have now finished reading The Mists of Avalon.

I will add my thoughts tomorrow for the final stages of the book and follow with my overall views and how I have felt during the process,

Witchhazel x

Gwydion Comes Out Into The Light

Morgaine, with Accolon as her consort, reigns as protector for the Old People in North Wales, ensuring Accolon is now his father's heir. When she travelled to Avalon, she met with her son Gwydion. So intelligent and cunning, any mother should be proud of him - and the mirror of Lancelot. He has spent his years in battle and far from Arthur's court. When next she meets him at Camelot, he is to have his first meeting with Arthur, his father. Arthur receives him with affection and acknowledges him in private, knowing he can never acknowledge him publicly. Gwydion warms to Arthur and understands how inspirational a king he is.

When it quickly becomes public knowledge that Gwydion is Morgaine's son, gossip is rife that Lancelot is his father. However the resemblance no more than because both Morgaine and Lancelot share the same fairy bloodline through the Royal Line of Avalon.

Galahad, the true son of Lancelot, is named as Arthur's heir and he is inducted into the Companions. However Gwydion wins entry by his skill on the games field and he is then knighted by Lancelot - Mordred, meaning crafty counsel in the Saxon tongue.

Morgaine is focussed on Avalon again however she discovers she is with child again, by Accolon during his king testing, when she should be long past child bearing age and when she could not possibly have lain with her aged husband . . .

Aquarius & Gemini - The Mission (featuring Julianne Regan). Yes, Wayne Hussey is Gemini but who is Aquarius? Julianne is Cancer and I am Pisces, so it must be Shona or Jude!

Mon 11 - Autonomy purple with purple lining/green
Tues 12 - Slaters black strip trouser with pink lining/green
Wed 13 - Anne Brooks green with green lining/green strips
Thurs 14 - Autonomy black pin stripe with black lining/black and white hoops
Fri 15 - Autonomy grey pink dress suit with grey lining
Mon 18 - Grey strip trouser suit with blue lining/black strip

And finally, it has been a week of cherry blossom trees and full moons . . .

Patterns

A key to reincarnation is learning from life's lessons through patterns.

Morgaine has realised that her lesson comes from the close kin relationships, which are deemed sinful by Christianity but purest of all by the Goddess and the Druids.

Patterns still retain their importance in all walks of modern life.

What life lessons can I identify for myself?

I have always been drawn to midsummer, trying to catch the sunrise and the only time I could consider being wed. Unknown to myself in advance, when I did wed, it was also a full moon and I love when it is full moon. It was also the auspicious Honey Moon in June, with the best omens for a good marriage.

But it is the 21 June, not the 22 for me. I did not know until a few years ago, my father was born on 22 June. He would have been 75 this year. And an in-law will be 55, 20 years apart and never known until recently. Would he think deep down that I knew? That I was drawn to him, having so few memories of him or does it hurt my mother that the dates are so close? I will never know. These things are not discussed.

So I turn to more patterns. I could list the self destructive ones and easily find someone to blame them on but we can all do this.

Let's go with these instead. I can remember my first meeting with people would intrigue me but I would shy away from, initially through lack of self confidence, later through recognising the pattern. Having said that, there has been only two. With the second, the pattern was laid out within seconds, allowing me to take steps to avoid it. But I would never guessed that, when the pattern repeated seven years later, I wouldn't instantly recognise it.

Ah, my inspirational Gemini, my muse, I love you for your beauty, I love you for the books you read ...as I laze in the sun (Freeze - All About Eve).
Forever out of reach - was it your twin or 22 June?

Step Out Into The Sun

And so I do

The Queen of North Wales

I don't listen nor does Morgaine. As a result, she became Queen of North Wales. Too eager for what she desired but failing to ensure she got the full information before consenting to the marriage, she got the aged father instead of the son. And yet she still went ahead with it?

She did get the son after all, but Accolon was more a catalyst than a plaything or lover, bringing the priestess in Morgaine back to life and then her work became her focus.

Don't you just love it when a plan comes together ;)

Today was Love Vibration day, at all times on the mp3 phone, inspiring me to desire a happy, sunny soundtrack and dinner and drinks in the garden on my way home (as there was no pub option) - none of which actually happened. The lyrics have a touch of melancholy about them and a sentiment I continue should follow to.

'Step out into the sun'

Thurs 7 - Monsoon blue red strip with red lining/shiny red
Fri 8 - Slaters black pin strip with pink lining/black and white hoops

Retrofest Midnight Movies

A John Cusack movie for Saturday night is always a good idea. 'Hot Tub Time Machine' sounds promising. The reality was a little more low-brow than expected but the formula is very fashionable - re-capture your youth and make it better! Tonight's was 'Just Friends' with Ryan Reynolds and last night was 'Perfume' - a strange love/murder story of sorts but more murder. But perhaps the biggest surprise was me watching three movies in such a short space of time, albeit while continuing to surf.

Retrofest is not just in the movies, but also this report from the BBC:-
Kate Bush has re-recorded The Sensual World, renaming it Flower of the Mountain, after eventually getting approval to use the words of James Joyce's character in Ulysses, Molly Bloom, for the title track of her 1989 album The Sensual World (see Do I Look For Those Millionaires)

And of course, this blog . . .

Tues 5 - Autonomy Grey Pink Pinstripe with Pink lining/Lilac
Wed 6 - Slaters blue pin stripe with blue lining/green

Something About You

Switched the tv from the golf (don't ask me! I was trying on dresses for the summer of weddings and leaving dos), flicking through the channels before I settle down to finding music to play on the PC or from the collection. 'Rewind 2010'. Hmmh, who played then - list looks ok but hark, it's Level 42 with Lessons in Love. Maybe. Followed by 'Something About You' - better. What a sad old romantic I am. But what I want is Mark King's bass line on 'The Sun Goes Down'. No! It has now moved to Kajagoogoo - 'Too Shy' can have its merits in certain scenarios but I have been saved by a clash of programs recording and the tv jumps to BBC2 for a Never Mind the Buzzocks repeat - not much better I'm afraid.

April's goals - suit per workday (except Fri 1) - what doesn't fit, no longer suits me or I no longer like, should go out. I'll iron my Monsoon blue/red stripe and shiny red blouse for Thursday's lunch and late night shopping.
Mon 4 - Slaters black pin stripe with green lining/green

Music? Settled down to my last Decemberists playlist.

Weekend? The edited version, re-published from Monday evening.
I play Cheap Pearls and Whiskey Dreams. The blog, shopping and other diversions e.g. bags with cat images on them (strange for someone who on Friday talked of not being able to have such an intelligent creature in the house) over the year continue, bringing me a little respite.

As the rain lashes the window tonight, I Pray for Love

Sambuca

With its anise flavour and flame, sambuca is something I have only on occasion, tonight being one - the logic may not have been sound but I wasn't missed. Like my final Wednesday in March - a repeat due to circumstances - I gave into what was the correct course of action under the circumstances, knowing it was not my preference but I guess it was better to conform. It was a struggle, I'm not an anise fan.

So what now for April? I will need to think about this.

For now, tea and toast are finished, the wind is howling outside yet big bertha feels so cosy as I wrap my shawl around me and sink into the burgundy purple cushions to sleep.