"To every woman her own truth and the Goddess within"*
Taken from Indigo & the Angels - Living in the realm of "I am doing what I want to do"
" Repeat after me "I am me, I love me, and I deserve to be all I can be, no one else can ever be me and I do what I want to do, as I make me happy first" "
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Just past the new moon, just past midnight
The cycle ends, as it began, in August - but my thoughts are on midsummer, patterns and, as always, love.
Witchhazel xx
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
The Longest Day
The summer solstice arrived and ended with a myriad of waterfalls. Sounds wonderful? Unfortunately all I could see of the waterfall was the incessant water falling from the skies all day. A little rain on your wedding day is supposed to bring you good luck, thoughts of fertility perhaps, but what would today's deluge mean? Was it washing me away, or washing me clean - stripping away my fears? I do not know . . . I thought I would by now, at the end of an eventful year but no.
I missed the sunrise. I was too tired from an evening spent with family, drinking in the wilderness on my doorstep I never knew. The sun never shone today. So I find myself seeking sun, to warm my skin, to lift my spirits. I should be so happy today. Tomorrow is another day with its own issues. I'm not sure how that makes me feel . . .
I should talk of field orchids, stone circles and banana boots - this week's discoveries. This, and photographs, will follow . . . but not tonight.
I missed the sunrise. I was too tired from an evening spent with family, drinking in the wilderness on my doorstep I never knew. The sun never shone today. So I find myself seeking sun, to warm my skin, to lift my spirits. I should be so happy today. Tomorrow is another day with its own issues. I'm not sure how that makes me feel . . .
I should talk of field orchids, stone circles and banana boots - this week's discoveries. This, and photographs, will follow . . . but not tonight.
Sunday, 12 June 2011
A Garden Full of Weeds
Many things have fallen by the wayside, strewn across my life. What I was so proud of being beautiful and inspirational at the start of last summer has since been neglected. There have been half hearted attempts to breathe life back into it but then winter swept through, seeking to destroy everything in its path.
There has been casualties. Can I bring myself to plant another Californian Lilac, knowing I have lost one for each of the last two winters? Can I go through the heartache again? Nurturing it, loving it. But yet I compromise by starting small to see what has struggled to survive through the snow. Seeds have grown in unexpected places. Had I not been delayed in spring, would I have discarded them as weeds without a thought?
But a weed is just a flower growing where you don't want it, which makes it subjective. The seeds are much loved and new flowers in the wrong place. I should transplant them to where they can thrive and grow. I know this. I know I should plant the new flowers I have bought but abandoned, which are waiting patiently to be loved. But it is the weeds that have reigned supreme since last summer.
And so the year ends as it started. The flowers struggle to turn their faces to bathe in the warm loving sunlight but the weeds have deeper roots and are stronger, reaching further for the sun, strangling the flowers as they grow. As the year closes, I'll strive to keep the weeds at bay to let the flowers be nourished again. But I cannot do it on my own. I need nourishment too.
And please don't even mention the poor tomato plants . . .
There has been casualties. Can I bring myself to plant another Californian Lilac, knowing I have lost one for each of the last two winters? Can I go through the heartache again? Nurturing it, loving it. But yet I compromise by starting small to see what has struggled to survive through the snow. Seeds have grown in unexpected places. Had I not been delayed in spring, would I have discarded them as weeds without a thought?
But a weed is just a flower growing where you don't want it, which makes it subjective. The seeds are much loved and new flowers in the wrong place. I should transplant them to where they can thrive and grow. I know this. I know I should plant the new flowers I have bought but abandoned, which are waiting patiently to be loved. But it is the weeds that have reigned supreme since last summer.
And so the year ends as it started. The flowers struggle to turn their faces to bathe in the warm loving sunlight but the weeds have deeper roots and are stronger, reaching further for the sun, strangling the flowers as they grow. As the year closes, I'll strive to keep the weeds at bay to let the flowers be nourished again. But I cannot do it on my own. I need nourishment too.
And please don't even mention the poor tomato plants . . .
Monday, 30 May 2011
A Good Birthday Gift (Alternate Title '?' or 'Where Is ?')
Congratulations are in order for what is very good birthday gift.
Following on from the comic film festival in winter, Electric Man will be previewed during the Glasgow Comic Con Festival mid-June! I have my diary free and tickets booked. It is so exciting.
It also has converged with my plans for a Charles Rennie Mackintosh day in July with my friend.
How so you may ask?
The Glasgow Comic Con events are being held in Queen's Cross Church, which was designed by Mackintosh and where the Charles Rennie Mackintosh Society are based.
And there is a comic book to boot about him - The Amazing Mr Mackintosh - by the guys involved in setting up Glasgow Comic Con!
So my gentle re-introduction to life has my head now spinning with information tendrils shooting off in all directions, overwhelming my senses. I want more. Just as I couldn't 'find' my Barcelona football top last night to wear whilst watching the Champions League Final (i.e. too many clothes) - congratulations to the mighty Barca!, June will be a busy month but I sadly can't do everything. I can't go to see Yes, Prime Minister - a favourite and influential program in my youth (or can I? I thought there were only two shows but now looks like more) or Bon Jovi. Following getting my nails done with a talk on the Large Hadron Collider should be fun but perhaps not as much as the Amazon Web Services Cloud Computing talk, across the road from Teviot. It is funny - from Rock Night in March in Teviot to software* in June across the road - I could have both at the same time in Chambers St! This is not a double entendre - my friends were software engineers, electronic and electrical engineers, mathematicians and others like myself, with Fortran programming thrown in their courses for good measure! And of course there were the comic book guys too for a bit of light hearted variety.
And Glasgow has opened up for me. Things I have long thought about doing are chapping at door saying 'no more excuses' e.g. Glasgow Necropolis; and newly discovered adventures await e.g. Sighthill Stone Circle. I know you could go to the link but why would you? What would draw you in? Perhaps this. Sighthill Stone Circle is the first astronomically aligned stone circle to be built in the UK for 3000 years, built in 1979 by Glasgow Parks dept and stands in Sighthill Park, on the other side of the M8 exit for George Square M8. YES, in the CENTRE of GLASGOW! How did I not know about this, and casually dismiss drunken talk of this as, well, drunken talk! Now where is my old Collins book of Astronomy and telescope when you need it? Does my nephew still use his I wonder? But for something as important and exciting as this, listen to the experts. You can still continue to watch Sir Patrick Moore, the cuddly teddy bear he is, when you flick through the tv late at night, and gaze at the stars and regret you don't have the equipment or skills to photograph them (yet?).
A project plan and use cases are required here methinks, as I announced today I would like to take a botanical drawing class. I know lists are good but I have always been tangential, my train of thought jumping too quickly from one idea to another seemingly unrelated idea to make a list. This is my list, mainly of thoughts but actions are starting to break through so I can look back at this and think 'yes I will do that' or more likely 'drat, what was I thinking!'. It is a diary and I know I should start the private version before I go too far, typing as I think, occasionally vetting. Let's face it, no-one really wants to read about someone else's thoughts and life unless it is exciting. And few people measure up, despite the cult of celebrity.
But is now 3am. Last night I was later, just surfing, ending up with horoscopes I think and I was confused by a bright light shining in the hall, just at the edge of vision in this dark enclosed comforting room. It was the dawn light. It was 4.30am. Perhaps I will be able to stay up to see the full moon followed by the sunrise at midsummer? At the castle would be nice and could be romantic, if cold and possibly not that safe but at home will suffice. And then to see the sunset at Sighthill Stone Circle. I would like that very much ;-).
*except 'Software' was one nickname to differentiate between the Ds on different courses.
Following on from the comic film festival in winter, Electric Man will be previewed during the Glasgow Comic Con Festival mid-June! I have my diary free and tickets booked. It is so exciting.
It also has converged with my plans for a Charles Rennie Mackintosh day in July with my friend.
How so you may ask?
The Glasgow Comic Con events are being held in Queen's Cross Church, which was designed by Mackintosh and where the Charles Rennie Mackintosh Society are based.
And there is a comic book to boot about him - The Amazing Mr Mackintosh - by the guys involved in setting up Glasgow Comic Con!
So my gentle re-introduction to life has my head now spinning with information tendrils shooting off in all directions, overwhelming my senses. I want more. Just as I couldn't 'find' my Barcelona football top last night to wear whilst watching the Champions League Final (i.e. too many clothes) - congratulations to the mighty Barca!, June will be a busy month but I sadly can't do everything. I can't go to see Yes, Prime Minister - a favourite and influential program in my youth (or can I? I thought there were only two shows but now looks like more) or Bon Jovi. Following getting my nails done with a talk on the Large Hadron Collider should be fun but perhaps not as much as the Amazon Web Services Cloud Computing talk, across the road from Teviot. It is funny - from Rock Night in March in Teviot to software* in June across the road - I could have both at the same time in Chambers St! This is not a double entendre - my friends were software engineers, electronic and electrical engineers, mathematicians and others like myself, with Fortran programming thrown in their courses for good measure! And of course there were the comic book guys too for a bit of light hearted variety.
And Glasgow has opened up for me. Things I have long thought about doing are chapping at door saying 'no more excuses' e.g. Glasgow Necropolis; and newly discovered adventures await e.g. Sighthill Stone Circle. I know you could go to the link but why would you? What would draw you in? Perhaps this. Sighthill Stone Circle is the first astronomically aligned stone circle to be built in the UK for 3000 years, built in 1979 by Glasgow Parks dept and stands in Sighthill Park, on the other side of the M8 exit for George Square M8. YES, in the CENTRE of GLASGOW! How did I not know about this, and casually dismiss drunken talk of this as, well, drunken talk! Now where is my old Collins book of Astronomy and telescope when you need it? Does my nephew still use his I wonder? But for something as important and exciting as this, listen to the experts. You can still continue to watch Sir Patrick Moore, the cuddly teddy bear he is, when you flick through the tv late at night, and gaze at the stars and regret you don't have the equipment or skills to photograph them (yet?).
A project plan and use cases are required here methinks, as I announced today I would like to take a botanical drawing class. I know lists are good but I have always been tangential, my train of thought jumping too quickly from one idea to another seemingly unrelated idea to make a list. This is my list, mainly of thoughts but actions are starting to break through so I can look back at this and think 'yes I will do that' or more likely 'drat, what was I thinking!'. It is a diary and I know I should start the private version before I go too far, typing as I think, occasionally vetting. Let's face it, no-one really wants to read about someone else's thoughts and life unless it is exciting. And few people measure up, despite the cult of celebrity.
But is now 3am. Last night I was later, just surfing, ending up with horoscopes I think and I was confused by a bright light shining in the hall, just at the edge of vision in this dark enclosed comforting room. It was the dawn light. It was 4.30am. Perhaps I will be able to stay up to see the full moon followed by the sunrise at midsummer? At the castle would be nice and could be romantic, if cold and possibly not that safe but at home will suffice. And then to see the sunset at Sighthill Stone Circle. I would like that very much ;-).
*except 'Software' was one nickname to differentiate between the Ds on different courses.
Monday, 23 May 2011
Happy Birthday To My Inspirational Gemini
Yes, the birthday wishes are a couple of days early and I am sure I will not forget to update fb on Tuesday but I guess I added the other one early, so why not for you too, as you follow so hot on his heels, birth date wise only. I know that this year must have been very fulfilling yet still difficult. I wish you every happiness in the year to come and also success in your new venture.
I know I have never had anywhere near your infinite range of interests nor your drive. I was in awe of you, seeking inspiration - like a moth seeking to share in the warmth from the flame, to cast a little spark in my direction to enlighten and enrich my life. And you did.
I saw The Wall live last night for the first time.
An example of What's For You, Won't Go By You? Not quite 1990 in Berlin as you did nor earlier in 1981 at Earls Court for my better half.
If you wanna' find out what's behind these cold eyes
I know I have never had anywhere near your infinite range of interests nor your drive. I was in awe of you, seeking inspiration - like a moth seeking to share in the warmth from the flame, to cast a little spark in my direction to enlighten and enrich my life. And you did.
I saw The Wall live last night for the first time.
An example of What's For You, Won't Go By You? Not quite 1990 in Berlin as you did nor earlier in 1981 at Earls Court for my better half.
If you wanna' find out what's behind these cold eyes
You'll just have to claw your way through this disguise!
Saturday, 14 May 2011
The Real McKay
Happy Birthday! It is a week early but what else can I do as he has started his birthday celebrations early in Edinburgh, before returning home for next week.
I followed my gut feeling and completed most errands on Thursday, including a visit to Edinburgh. I knew I would be too rushed if I left Edinburgh to Friday after work and it would be difficult to resist staying for a few drinks (but not as in Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe) as I did know he would be around but not the details yet. It was the right thing for me to do but if I had stopped to check fb earlier than I did i.e. not as my train arrived home at my local train station - I could have left money behind the bar for a birthday drink for him for Friday night. Admittedly, not quite the Chivas Regal I gave him the last time I saw him but that was over sixteen years ago and a special occasion - of the 'so long, and thanks for all the fish' variety. He always preferred chicken suppers instead of fish though.
Friday 13th in Edinburgh would have been nice for drinks, hugs and catching up for an hour or so but I am sure the guys are all having a great time and there will be other opportunities to say hi later in the year when he is back again. I keep wanting to say back home in Edinburgh but although his roots are here, he started working away not long after I first met him.
1989 was a strange year - summer brought me heartbreak but by Hogmanay Eve, I had new networks of friends who enriched my life over the next seven years and came back into my life again in the last year. Their influence, though, has never left me. Into my life, he brought me Queensryche and, most surprisingly, The Indigo Girls, and cool friends to hang out with at Rock Night when he was away and close friends to look out for me, sharing mad letters with me when I was away too.
Yes I loved him, and still do but in a different way, but it was never a romance. I couldn't commit to anyone over that seven year period. In trying to protect myself from being hurt again , I ended up hurting those I loved instead - taking me back to my The Years Fly entry last year. So it was lucky that he didn't love me in the way I thought I wanted him to after all. We became comfortable together as friends over the years, and I really couldn't want for anything more than that.
In late 1995, I felt a sea change in the air, I escaped my own Tintagel and said my farewells to Edinburgh.
In 1996, I received a marriage proposal and, for the first time since 1987, I could not think of a good reason to say no. This is not literally true however because I did say no, but only because I anticipated a different question - along the break-up lines instead so I then had to change my reply to yes, after I had said no. (Did I mention I was an indecisive Pisces?)
So have a wonderful extended birthday season Mr McKay in your homeland and then back home with your wife, daughter and friends next week. I will send you more wishes on fb on Thursday! Sorry you didn't get a beer.
My beloved Big Bertha struck again! I woke up at the end of the movie, again. It was 8.30pm. Perhaps sleep will come again soon?
I followed my gut feeling and completed most errands on Thursday, including a visit to Edinburgh. I knew I would be too rushed if I left Edinburgh to Friday after work and it would be difficult to resist staying for a few drinks (but not as in Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe) as I did know he would be around but not the details yet. It was the right thing for me to do but if I had stopped to check fb earlier than I did i.e. not as my train arrived home at my local train station - I could have left money behind the bar for a birthday drink for him for Friday night. Admittedly, not quite the Chivas Regal I gave him the last time I saw him but that was over sixteen years ago and a special occasion - of the 'so long, and thanks for all the fish' variety. He always preferred chicken suppers instead of fish though.
Friday 13th in Edinburgh would have been nice for drinks, hugs and catching up for an hour or so but I am sure the guys are all having a great time and there will be other opportunities to say hi later in the year when he is back again. I keep wanting to say back home in Edinburgh but although his roots are here, he started working away not long after I first met him.
1989 was a strange year - summer brought me heartbreak but by Hogmanay Eve, I had new networks of friends who enriched my life over the next seven years and came back into my life again in the last year. Their influence, though, has never left me. Into my life, he brought me Queensryche and, most surprisingly, The Indigo Girls, and cool friends to hang out with at Rock Night when he was away and close friends to look out for me, sharing mad letters with me when I was away too.
Yes I loved him, and still do but in a different way, but it was never a romance. I couldn't commit to anyone over that seven year period. In trying to protect myself from being hurt again , I ended up hurting those I loved instead - taking me back to my The Years Fly entry last year. So it was lucky that he didn't love me in the way I thought I wanted him to after all. We became comfortable together as friends over the years, and I really couldn't want for anything more than that.
In late 1995, I felt a sea change in the air, I escaped my own Tintagel and said my farewells to Edinburgh.
In 1996, I received a marriage proposal and, for the first time since 1987, I could not think of a good reason to say no. This is not literally true however because I did say no, but only because I anticipated a different question - along the break-up lines instead so I then had to change my reply to yes, after I had said no. (Did I mention I was an indecisive Pisces?)
So have a wonderful extended birthday season Mr McKay in your homeland and then back home with your wife, daughter and friends next week. I will send you more wishes on fb on Thursday! Sorry you didn't get a beer.
Love always,
Witchhazel xx
My beloved Big Bertha struck again! I woke up at the end of the movie, again. It was 8.30pm. Perhaps sleep will come again soon?
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