The Real McKay

Happy Birthday! It is a week early but what else can I do as he has started his birthday celebrations early in Edinburgh, before returning home for next week.

I followed my gut feeling and completed most errands on Thursday, including a visit to Edinburgh. I knew I would be too rushed if I left Edinburgh to Friday after work and it would be difficult to resist staying for a few drinks (but not as in Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe) as I did know he would be around but not the details yet. It was the right thing for me to do but if I had stopped to check fb earlier than I did i.e. not as my train arrived home at my local train station - I could have left money behind the bar for a birthday drink for him for Friday night. Admittedly, not quite the Chivas Regal I gave him the last time I saw him but that was over sixteen years ago and a special occasion - of the 'so long, and thanks for all the fish' variety. He always preferred chicken suppers instead of fish though.

Friday 13th in Edinburgh would have been nice for drinks, hugs and catching up for an hour or so but I am sure the guys are all having a great time and there will be other opportunities to say hi later in the year when he is back again. I keep wanting to say back home in Edinburgh but although his roots are here, he started working away not long after I first met him.

1989 was a strange year - summer brought me heartbreak but by Hogmanay Eve, I had new networks of friends who enriched my life over the next seven years and came back into my life again in the last year. Their influence, though, has never left me. Into my life, he brought me Queensryche and, most surprisingly, The Indigo Girls, and cool friends to hang out with at Rock Night when he was away and close friends to look out for me, sharing mad letters with me when I was away too.

Yes I loved him, and still do but in a different way, but it was never a romance. I couldn't commit to anyone over that seven year period. In trying to protect myself from being hurt again , I ended up hurting those I loved instead - taking me back to my The Years Fly entry last year. So it was lucky that he didn't love me in the way I thought I wanted him to after all. We became comfortable together as friends over the years, and I really couldn't want for anything more than that.

In late 1995, I felt a sea change in the air, I escaped my own Tintagel and said my farewells to Edinburgh.

In 1996, I received a marriage proposal and, for the first time since 1987, I could not think of a good reason to say no. This is not literally true however because I did say no, but only because I anticipated a different question - along the break-up lines instead so I then had to change my reply to yes, after I had said no. (Did I mention I was an indecisive Pisces?)

So have a wonderful extended birthday season Mr McKay in your homeland and then back home with your wife, daughter and friends next week. I will send you more wishes on fb on Thursday! Sorry you didn't get a beer.

Love always,

Witchhazel xx

My beloved Big Bertha struck again! I woke up at the end of the movie, again. It was 8.30pm. Perhaps sleep will come again soon?