Third Time Lucky - Be Careful What You Wish For

After breakfast in Glasgow at 9am and a successful but thankfully low-cost lunchtime trip to the Slaters warehouse sale, I settled down to read in the bedroom (danger - warm, comfy, cover). I could say the cliche 'the rest is history' but I made a valiant attempt to stay awake and read for an hour or so before waking up in the dark.

When Morgaine's first dalliance with Lancelot took place, her maidenhood was vowed to the Goddess and she regretting keeping that vow.

The second was on the night of Arthur and Gwenhwyfar's marriage, where Lancelot would have tumbled Morgaine like a milkmaid in the stables, just to avoid the thought of his beloved Gwenhwyfar in Arthur's arms. However it was he who was tumbled from his horse and spent the night unconscious, Morgaine, in her role of skilled healer, lying by his side. So close yet so far away.

Today, the third was when the men returned from war with the Saxons and from Arthur to the general soldiers, each would have company that night but the Queen's ladies in waiting, including Morgaine, who had not returned to Avalon, were secured away, protected from roving eyes. She could sense the power around her and also Lancelot, restless and alone She walked abroad to seek him out and if he was not there, then she would know it was just her fancy and not to be. However he was. He apologised for dishonouring her with their earlier dalliances but Morgaine expressed her regret that the dalliances had not been fulfilled. Not what he would expect from a lady at court but Morgaine is her own woman, a trained priestess and more than capable of taking a lover if she so chooses. She led him underneath the moonlight sky and with the apple trees as a canopy, they make love - although not technically speaking*, which is key.

For Morgaine, it should be act of great power and she feels betrayed, as well as unfulfilled (yet again). For Lancelot, both have been pleasured without dishonour or risk - how could he worship Gwenhwyfar if Morgaine, or any other woman, were to have his child instead of his beloved Gwenhwyfar.

The bond between Lancelot and Gwenhwyfar remains intact, Morgaine flees (again).

Unbeknown to both, Arthur gives Gwenhwyfar sanction to take Lancelot as lover** and have his son, which Arthur would accept as a gift from the Gods and rear as his own heir, rather than put her aside as barren and take another wife to give him a son.

But Arthur is unaware that he has fathered a child with his sister Morgaine and so already has a son and heir . . .

*A useful phrase
**Similar arrangement, different criteria, different goal

Words Of Wisdom From The Wicked Witch

Home before midnight. It was a good night. Surprise guest was welcomed. Food, drink and company good. Perhaps it is because the Year of the Rabbit approaches, there were more than I in a sociable frame for mind for 2011 and we intend to meet up again - at a leaving do perhaps? But I shall meet with the Wicked Witch alone before then for some quality R&R and her words of wit and wisdom.

Remaining Friends

Thanks MJ, two chaperones are better than one so hopefully you can make it through to Edinburgh with me. It is good your perception has changed over the years, to now believe that men and women can remain friends - even though desire in most cases creeps in although you think it may be more curiosity than desire sometimes. 


I have been guilty of the reverse. Although intrigued from the start, I avoided what could have been a good friendship, which I never would have done in my youth. Despite being blind-sided by more circumstances, I have been given the chance to start afresh with basics - conversations of more than two words at a time should also help! 


And then I will have Edinburgh, safe and comforting, all my concerns have melted away. I can feel the love emanating already - I just need to find comfortable but sexy shoes to wear however I have worn short black boots to work and my feet are not sore at the end of the day, so they should be able to cope with a night of dancing, although the witchy effect could be better but I think the black suede thigh high lace-ups might be a bit distracting and really do require the short, swirly sun and moon dress which I love but can no longer button. Some would say that's not a problem however . .  and I still stand by the high boots being best to ensure you go home safely - they would take too long to lace up again if you were 'elsewhere' first I'm sure. So it's looking like a long swirly skirt or jeans but I was too self conscious to wear jeans often there. So many decisions as I want to feel good and confident but not attract unwanted attention - the usual dilemma but the guys will keep an eye out for me too, as always. And can I still fit into my biker jacket, preferably zip it up as Edinburgh will be cold between pubs?


I've given so much thought to March, but little for later today or next weekend. I'll see what the weather is like. It is really an after work event however the last one I went to, my friend went home to change into a dress and I was dancing on the stairs in a 80s bar in my work suit! Yes, the sequel will be arranged and follow soon. I hope all goes well today.


My music list i.e. singing them all day in my head yesterday were:-
Prefab Sprout - Looking for Atlantis
The Decemberists - Down by the Water
Thin Lizzy - Dancing in the Moonlight
- today was a bit more fraught so no songs sung
I have failed as techy. I only recently discovered my much loved mp3 player was not in fact a sealed unit and I could replace the battery. I now have music to commute to again, well beyond the bus stop!

The Lancelot Principle

My thoughts will change but it is a complicated relationship. I think I understand it more now, although talk is all around me 'affairs are bad'. It seems to be the current topic. Perhaps it is as a result of the weather. No, not 'I fell on the snow and it just happened!' I would expect summer would be more likely - skimpy clothes, warm sun, late nights - but perhaps it is the dark nights, huddling together in the cold to keep warm, official nights out which suit best?

The simmering passion hangs over Lancelot and Gwenhwyfar like a shroud, binding them hopelessly together. The palpable looks, the accidental brush of the arm against the curve of the hip. The body tingling with electricity and anticipation with any look or touch. The fireworks flashing under your eyelids when you kiss. This is the first flush of romance and passion - but it need not be the last.

Yet Lancelot can fortunately re-direct his passion for Gwenhwyfar to Morgaine, 'love the one you're with', which she willing accepts, or tries to, if only fate would not keep interrupting them! Yes, sometimes you feel as though the universe is trying to say 'stop' - but you carry on regardless, trying to justify your intentions rather than admit to selfishness. Even if Morgaine takes Lancelot as a lover, it would not break the bonds between he and Gwenhwyfar, nor Arthur's desire for Morgaine yet Arthur and Gwenhwyfar's wedding night awaits.

No doubt, they could each continue with their desired relationships also. But can men and women remain friends without romantic entanglements, or is it inevitable that desire will creep in - the Lancelot Principle? I would say yes to can remain friends, but perhaps I was blind to the signs but that sounds far too arrogant and disrespectful of my male friends. More likely I was not their type. MJ once told me that we were different - men wanted to ravish her (and why not, she is a very sexy woman) but wanted to cherish and protect me, as I was a sensual creature - and oddly enough some agreed but this is perhaps a bit much and it is too late for me tonight so I may edit this again tomorrow.

And the universe, in this case the mp3, brings reality back in at the midnight hour -  Martha Wainwright 'You Cheated Me'. from the album I Know You're Married But I Have Feelings Too

What can I say?

I Have Not Once Been Warm Since Midsummer

'Far to the north ... the snow lay deep on the fells and even at midday there was often no more than a twilight fog' and The High Queen begins. I settle in for the night.

Mistress of Magic

I have reached the end of the first book. Morgaine flees Avalon to her kinswoman in Lothian to have her son - a long journey, as it has been for me to reach this stage. Perhaps, as I am older, I shall be less judgemental of the next, The High Queen.

In that vein, I printed my tickets for the Edinburgh night out for myself and my 'chaperone'. There will be drinking, dancing and hopefully a companion for my chaperone - and I shall dance, drink and be shiny and happy.

I shall be shiny and happy today, and tomorrow, and the next day - and then it will become second nature again. Like dancing on the London roof-top to Shiny Happy People or Love Shack in Sneaky Pete's in Edinburgh. But not just revelling in old memories, new memories are waiting to be made.

For now, I sit hugging my tiger and hot water bottle close to me on this cold fog bound night, searching for sleep. Those who know me, may ask which tiger, of the many? But those who really know me will know which one, since I also bought it twice more as a gift for family. I've never really known why I am attracted to it and sleep with it beside me. It's a white tiger, not Hobbes, but very cosy. None of my tigers have names but Tiger was my hamster's name. I regretted not taking my tiger to York as I felt lonely at night without something to hug close and keep me company but I did improvise . . .

I took the unusual step of watching The End of the Affair tonight - it bore little resemblance to the wonderfully bitter-sweet Prefab Sprout song of the same name. But I did get the chance afterwards to enjoy the end of V for Vendetta, with Stephen Rea again. I'm not sure I'm up for Withnail & I so time to perhaps go to bed?

1am bed, 1pm rise

I am having a lazy Saturday. I feel physically drained of energy but mentally on fire. What I could achieve if I could persuade my body to move? But I have moved to the sofa and PC so that is a start - the hoover may be a step too far. Yes, it has been more than 2 hours to get to this stage. I glance guiltily at the book and lovingly at the small empty box of mint creams. Yum. They were nice addition to a light breakfast this afternoon but I still hanker for a roll on potato scone and brown sauce (apples again). 


As I have none in the house, I resolve to have one for breakfast when I return to work on Tuesday. I have lunch booked so I know shouldn't as it will spoil my appetite but I want both. Not what you would expect of a flighty Piscean? I can assure you the conflicting debate has already taken place and selfishness has won over guilty feeling. 


However Tuesday is a long time away for a fickle fish, who is too trusting and easily swayed by her peers to conform to the norm . . . Can I stand my ground or crumble yet again? (more apples :-))